Warmer Days

I found this photo taken this summer when we cleaned our garage. All this stuff actually fit back inside AND there was room left over to park both cars. Winter is not even officially here and I am already tired of the cold - and longing for the days of garage cleaning weather. I remember when my friend Vicki left Kansas City in search of warmer climates. She landed first in Phoenix and then in Laguna Beach, CA and hasn't had to bundle up since. Lucky girl.

I'm Weird - A Meme...

Ok, I was tagged by Jenne' and even though Dan says this is such a junior high girl thing - I once was a junior high girl and have never forgotten the feeling. (Do you want to be my friend? cirle one: yes no) See what I mean?

Anyway, here are the rules:

List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Then, those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don't forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!

• I am addicted to lip balm. I own close to a hundred different lip balms (my favorite is Burt’s Bees) which I keep strategically placed through out my house and office and tucked into the pockets of all my clothes and purses. I can’t go more than about 10 minutes with out a fresh coat and I wake up during the night to re-apply.

• I become obsessed with certain foods and will eat them over and over again, sometimes several times a day for months. My more notable food obsessions have included tomato soup, cheerios, cream of wheat, cream of rice, blueberries & granola, tater tots, Dairy Queen Dilly Bars, red beans & rice, edamame, banana Laffy Taffy, banana Power Bars, strawberry smoothies, mango smoothies, Granny Smith apples and granola bars. I am currently really into wild rice cakes topped with sunflower butter.

• Overhead lights in parking garages and street lights in parking lots seem to turn on or off frequently when I pass beneath them. It’s almost like I put off some sort of energy field that trips the electronic eye for these sort of light sensitive lamps.

• I don’t watch TV and haven’t had cable since I was 18 years old and still living at home.

• I am afraid of wind. A strong, whistling wind sends my anxiety level sky high.

Ok - I am tagging Rita, PlazaJen, Scotti, Vicki & Katherine.

I Dream of Miko

I dreamed of Miko the other night. I was so surprised to see him and knew instantly that I was dreaming because I knew he had died. I was standing at the side of my bed and I looked down to see that he had walked up between me and the bed to rub against my legs. I reached down with both hands to give him a good squeeze. His fur felt wonderful and he gave me a good purr. That’s all I remember.

I really miss that little guy.

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses an Eye

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, but tonight seems the perfect night to catch up. It’s incredibly cold and rainy and gusty outside, but here I lie, all bundled up with my comforter and my heating pad feeling as toasty as can be. I love this kind of weather because it makes me feel so happy to be inside. The only thing that could make this better were if the fake fireplace in our bedroom actually worked and I could lie here listening to the snap – crackle- pop of a real wood fire.

Well, I guess there might be one other thing that would make this evening better – it might be nice if I could move my torso more than a few inches in any direction with out suffering the incredible aching pain that is the result of crashing my go-kart into another go-kart earlier today.

A small group of us played hooky from work this afternoon and went to a go-kart race track. It was loads of fun and I laughed so hard that I was nearly in tears on the ride out there. Once at the race track we chose our helmets, reviewed the safety rules, and then took to the tracks. We were on the oval track which meant it was all about speed. I gunned it on the straight aways, braked slightly going into the curves and then gunned it again coming out of the curve. It was a little scary, but since I like to drive fast anyway, it was perfect.

I’d taken about 15 laps around the course and was laser focused on speed when a kart in front of me spun out and ended in a dead stop just on the other side of the curve. I didn’t see the kart until it was too late and I crashed right into it.

The impact threw me up and over to my right and I came down HARD against my right ribs on the engine which sat just to the side of the drivers seat (just like in the picture). It hurt like hell – felt like someone had thrown a bowling ball at my side ribs – and it completely knocked the wind out of me. I had that terribly feeling where for several seconds I couldn’t breath at all. The last time I had the wind knocked out of me was when I was a Freshman in high school and my brother socked me in the stomach because I called him stupid. (I think that was the last time I said that!)

I tried to sit up, to pull my self back behind the wheel of the kart, but I literally couldn’t move. There was no breath left in me and my entire right side was throbbing in pain. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, but I wanted to be ok! I was having too much fun to let it end this way.

The guy who worked at the track was perfect. As soon as he established that I was more or less ok, he told me I was tough and to get back out there. That was all I needed. I gave my coworkers who were watching from the side a big thumbs up and then took off again, albeit a bit more cautiously. All went well until a kart in front of me again spun out and I had to hit my brakes to keep from hitting him. Unfortunately, my braking caused another kart to ram me hard from behind – this time wrenching my back. I thought to myself as I finished my final few laps that this was a contact sport not for the faint of heart.

Now, several hours later, my ribs and back are in serious pain. It hurts to stand up and sit down, it hurts to get in and out of the car, it hurts to get in and out of bed, and it hurts to twist in any direction. Luckily, it doesn't hurt to breath, though a deep breath is uncomfortable.



Later….

And with those last words I fell promptly asleep. I woke up later to find my lap top sleeping peacefully on my lap. Kind of funny.

Well, it’s morning now and its safe to say it was a rather long night. Steve & Jenne’ reminded me to ice it rather than use the heating pad (which was what I wanted to do) and so I got up several times during the night and went down to the freezer to retrieve or return the ice pack Steve made for me. I spooked myself going downstairs because all the security lights had come on around the outside of the house and I was sure someone was lurking outside the windows watching me. That is the first time I have ever felt afraid in this house, and because I generally never worry about intruders, think it must have been the result of the pain and the heavy doses of ibuprofen I was taking.

Anyway, I laid on my back with the ice pack against my side and back ribs and hugged the heating pad to my stomach to keep from getting too cold. It was hard to sleep when I wasn’t icing because I just couldn’t find a comfortable position.

This morning I checked the internet again to see if I might have broken ribs, but my symptoms seem to clearly indicate bruised ribs and perhaps strained oblique muscles. Either way, there is nothing to do other than take it easy and wait several weeks for the pain to pass. Good grief!

Well, it seems there should be a moral to this story and I guess I have two take-aways.

(1) Kenny – one of the guys I was racing with - did not drive his kart aggressively the way the rest of us did. He took some “ribbing” about it (nice – huh?) and simply explained that he was having fun but didn’t want to hurt himself. In hindsight, his attitude seems especially wise.

(2) I think this proves my point about needing to focus more on strengthening my core muscles with less focus on my arms, shoulders, etc. After nearly 9 months with my trainer, my upper body is in great shape, but I think I would have sustained less of an injury if my core muscles were stronger. I know this was an extreme blow, I probably would have gotten hurt no matter what, but I don’t think it would have been this bad if I were stronger.

Well – I am going to use this as an excuse to spend some extra time in bed this morning. Sam has been in New York City all week and comes home tonight. Hooray!

Firefox

Tonight after work, I decided to run by Wild Oats on my way home. The sun was just setting as I drove west on Shawnee Mission Parkway and the sky was rich with pinks and purples and blues. Traffic was surprisingly light and I was in no hurry. It was the perfect moment for something magical to happen – and it did.

About 20 feet ahead of me I saw a red fox trot out into the road. I tapped my brakes along with the white car to my right. We were the only cars on the road and we both slowed to a crawl to watch this beautiful creature cross in front of us. The fox saw us shortly after we saw her, and she froze for just an instant, her face turned toward us and her body in perfect profile. She was stunningly striking. She picked up her pace and dashed across our lanes and into an empty wooded lot on the north side of the road. I watched her fluffy tail bob as she disappeared into the woods. I felt so lucky to have seen her.

As I rolled to a stop at the next light, I noticed the white car had slowed down to wait for me. As I pulled along side, I found the driver, a slight balding man in his mid-forties, grinning at me in happy wonder and amazement. “Wow!” he mouthed to me, his eyes sparkling. I gave him a thumbs up and shook my head, my own smile stretching from ear to ear.

I am not sure which made me happier – seeing that beautiful red fox or being able to share the experience with a complete stranger who was just as tickled by it as I was. Either way it was a strawberry moment. And I thank God for those.

Missing Miko

I’ve wanted to write about Miko, my sweet, loving and loyal feline friend, but I haven’t had the words to do it. Miko died on August 23rd. We put him to sleep after learning he was having kidney failure. It happened very quickly, the way these things often do. One day he was his normal, happy self and the next (or so it seemed), he was gone.

I’ve lost many pets in my lifetime and I understand what the loss feels like. This time though, I’ve been surprised at how much I miss that fat cat. He was such a wonderful companion to me.

I remember the day I first brought Miko home. He was just 6 weeks old, a tiny puff of black fur, with clear blue eyes. I chose him from a litter of 6 because his eyes were so bright. He was a momma’s boy from the very beginning. So sweet, so anxious to please, so committed to being good.

I had another cat at the time – Sammi – who was a feline derelict if there ever was one. Sammi had enough confidence (but not arrogance) for 10 cats and she was bratty on top of that. If she were human, I would have had to send her to a home for troubled girls. She would have worn dark mascara and leather and a studded choker and she would have smoked unfiltered cigarettes. And if cats could do such a thing, I would have come home one day just after her 14th birthday to find that she had tattooed the name of her dumb ass boyfriend on her beautiful, perfect shoulder.

In fact Sammi did have a boyfriend, but he wasn’t a dumb ass. Using the little bit of brains she had, Sammi wisely fell in love with Miko just as soon as he was old enough to return her affection. And who could blame her? Miko was a very nice young male cat. Sammi threw herself at Miko (hussy that she was), but he respected her and never did take advantage of her. Actually, the fact that Miko had been neutered and Sammi had not yet been spade might have had something to do with it, but I prefer to think that Miko was just being a gentleman.

Sammi did everything she could to corrupt Miko. Once, while dashing through my legs and out the open door (even though she knew outdoors was off limits), I swear I heard her call out to Miko, “Come on Miko, all the cool cats are doing this. We won’t get caught. Come ONNNNN.” But Miko stood dutifully at the door – looking wistfully after his friend. He just didn’t have it in him to break the rules. He never did. Sammi tried hard to turn him to the dark side, but Miko remained perfectly behaved, and grew sweeter every day.

When I met Sam and Katherine, Miko adopted them immediately. He took to Sam like he had taken to no one else, allowing Sam to rock him and hold him like a baby. (By that time he was nearly as big as one!) And he developed a very special affection for Katherine. I remember telling Katherine when she was 10 that Miko had always wanted his “very own little girl.” And I believe it was true. He followed her everywhere and allowed her to play with him however she wanted.

In the evenings, Miko would sit on the arm of Sam’s chair as he worked on his computer. He would join me in bed once Sam was finished and slept next to my head most of the night, his front paw resting on my shoulder. And each morning he would go in to wake up Katherine just as her alarm went off. He would spend the rest of the morning following her about as she got ready for school and would be waiting patiently for her when she returned from school.




















Miko loved a party and was thrilled when we had company. He would have been a terrible ‘watch cat” because he never met a stranger and quickly perched himself upon the leg of anyone who dared to take a seat in our house. He was at the top of his game when we had a large gathering of friends at our house. He would go from person to person acknowledging them and giving them a nuzzle and a rub.

And Miko loved to play! We had toys all around the house for him and we frequently marveled at how he never seemed to lose his kitten like curiosity.

As Miko grew older he developed a bit of a weight problem. Well, actually quite a bit of a weight problem. Miko turned into one fat cat! He had a waddle that hung practically to the floor and we had a good time teasing him about it. We tried putting him on a diet, but he got so stressed out about not having his dish full of food that we eventually gave up and decided to let him be fat and happy.

Miko was a lover, one of the most affectionate cats I’ve ever known. He didn’t have a mean or arrogant bone in his body and he loved us with an intensity that I wish everyone could have the opportunity to experience.

Katherine and I stayed with Miko as the vet put him to sleep. We wanted to be the last ones he saw as he went to sleep. It was hard, so very sad, but felt the very right thing to do.

Since then, all three of us have spied him walking through the house. I guess we are just so used to him being there that any shadow makes us think of him. I am sitting in my meditation room right now, alone in the house as Sam and Katherine are at a movie. If Miko were still alive, he would be curled up right next to me. And if I got up to go to the bathroom, I would find that he had taken the warm spot of my seat in the short time I was gone.

I miss Miko terribly. I miss his sweetness, his purity, his loyalty, his funny ways, the warmth of his paw on my arm as I slept, and yes, maybe even the fur that constantly had to be vacuumed from the carpet and furniture. But I am grateful for the 10 years we spent together. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I love you Miko. I hope there are lots of catnip, yarn and dripping water wherever you are. You are a good kitty - a very good kitty.

When Time Stands Still

Everything is moving so fast right now. My days are jam packed from the moment I wake up till the moment I fall, exhausted, into bed. I wish I could turn my phone, my e-mail and my calendar – OFF!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about that old question “When you’re lying on your death bed, will you be glad you spent all that time ________ (fill in the blank “at work”, “answering e-mail”, etc.) It’s an easy “no” of course, and so I am trying to make better decisions about how I spend my time.

Time spent with Sam and Katherine, time with friends, time spent encouraging and helping others, time spent reading and writing (no arithmetic, thank you), time spent sleeping and snuggling – that’s all the good stuff.

The bad stuff? It’s not even worth listing, but it’s the stuff that fills most my day. I have the best intentions. I’ll slow down, breathe deeply, savor the moment. But then my e-mail inbox count climbs steadily and I can see I have 12 voicemails waiting to be picked up, and my favorite customer calls and needs a favor, quick, or more likely, my least favorite customer calls and insists I drop everything, quick. And before I know it, I’m caught up in a whirlwind of multi-tasking and moving at the speed of light and everything around me becomes a blur.

It’s during those times that I’m most likely to miss the little or big things that people around me do to help make my life easier. Or if I do notice, I don’t take time to allow the full impact of their care and kindness to sink in.

Two completely unexpected things happened this week that nearly brought me to me knees in gratitude in the midst of my rushing about. And I want to share it here, not only to say thank you, but also so that I can savor the full impact of their kindness by writing about it.

First – I taught a workshop yesterday and arrived at work from an out of town trip only a few hours before the workshop was to begin. I was frantically gathering all handouts and notes and props I needed when Tanya showed up to offer me three wildly colored markers. She remembered that I had used them and had had fun with them in a previous workshop and had taken it upon herself to remind me that I might want to use them again this time. In addition, she wasn’t sure if I had the poster size financial statements I teach from, so she took it upon herself to order an extra set for me – JUST IN CASE.

Then, today, Linda, my trusted assistant who makes ALL things possible and keeps me on the straight and narrow, snuck into my office while I was in a meeting and totally cleaned and organized my desk. I returned to find that the explosion of paper and files that had littered my workspace had been neatly arranged into ordered and prioritized stacks. Just seeing those neat little piles added an extra year to my life.

I was so touched by these acts generosity.
Thank you Linda. Thank you Tanya.
In that moment, your kindness made time stand still.