Snow Fox

Unbelievably, the weather folks got this one right. The snow is coming down hard and fast and it’s accumulating quickly. It’s the perfect kind of snow - light and fluffy – the kind of snow you normally only see in the movies.


I saw another fox tonight on my way home from work. I had never seen a fox in my life until 6 weeks ago, and now I’ve seen two. This little guy was bounding through the snow crossing the very wide median of Ward Parkway. I was stopped at the light and so got to watch him for quite awhile. It was dark already, but the street lights illuminated his bobbing tail, and he left a line of tracks in the snow to mark his path. Beautiful!

A lot of living to do before I die

Visiting with my 82 year old neighbor Charlana yesterday…

Me:
How’s Bob?

Charlana:
Not well. He’s not coming home – he’s going to die in that nursing home. (tears up) I’m sorry. I get emotional about it.

Me:
Oh Charlana - don't apologize. I would be emotional too if I were in your shoes. It’s ok.

Charlana:
They think I am a mean old woman down there at the nursing home.

Me:
Why?

Charlana:
They asked me if I wanted to move in with him, live there with him in that death row place, you know? I told them No I Did Not Want To Move There. I told them I needed my space. I told them I had a lot of living to do before I died. I do! I have a lot of things I plan to do before I die – a lot of living still to do.

Me:
I think that is cool Charlana. You have to take care of yourself too.

Charlana:
I love Bob. He is my husband. I mean – it’s not like wild, hot passionate love or anything like that. It used to be, but that went out the window a long time ago. I wish I could still have that, but we’re old now.

(note – Charlana is without a doubt the spunkiest and sexiest 82 year old I have EVER seen)

Charlana:
But he is my husband, the father of my children. I married Bob because he had all the qualities I wanted to pass on to my children. I knew I needed someone to balance out my headstrong nature. He is a good man. (she tears up again)

Me:
Why did Bob have to go back to the nursing home? I thought he was better?

Charlana:
He fell and broke his other hip. He didn’t even tell me about it at first, and when he did tell me he fell, I just said “oh – inside or out?”. I didn’t realize. But later, it got worse, and he couldn’t walk and I couldn’t lift him, so he just laid down on the floor.

Me:
Did you call an ambulance? I didn’t see it come. Sam and I could have come over and helped.

Charlana:
I didn’t call the ambulance for a couple of days.

Me:
A couple of days?

Charlana:
I know. They were really upset with me at the hospital. Bob knew. He knew that once he went he wasn’t coming back home. He knew, and I knew. We weren’t in any hurry. He just slept on the floor for a couple of days. They made a big deal about it at the hospital. They thought I was so mean. I wanted to tell them it was nothing - just like camping.

Me:
Is he upset about being there? In the nursing home?

Charlana:
He wants to come home. Every time I visit he thinks I am there to take him home. It’s pretty hard. And then one of the nurses will suggest I just move in with him. She doesn’t understand. I’ve got a lot of living to do before I die. A lot of living to do.

Two Muses

What a day. I’ve spent the last 8 hours in my pajamas with my computer on my lap running numbers, playing with projections and writing a proposal for the redevelopment plan for the building Sam and I are buying. And I’m still not done. I love this kind of work, it doesn’t really even feel like work, but man does it take a chunk of time. I’ve worked with real estate developers (as a lender) for years and thought I had a fair understanding of how the world of real estate development worked, but instead I find myself feeling as if I am drinking from a fire hose of knowledge and trying to fit it all together feels like playing a 1000 piece puzzle.

I finally took a break to see “Shut Up & Sing” – the new documentary about the Dixie Chicks and their slam at President Bush on the eve of the Iraq war. It was a great film, and I for one will be buying the new “Taking the Long Way” CD in support of the band’s courage and willingness to stand their ground in the face of strong opposition from their country music fan base. Natalie is one very strong woman and damn I admire her fiestiness.

I am sitting in the Westport Coffee Shop now, waiting for movie #2 to begin, and thinking about how my two muses have both been whispering in my ear today. One is soothing me with numbers and spreadsheets as I work through the puzzle of our building. I know that must seem weird, but I really can so easily lose myself in numbers. The other is urging me to hit the road. Sam and Katherine are out of town for the next two days and I am overcome with the desire to move to India, study in an Ashram and grow my own food. Of course I would want to be back home before they return tomorrow night, so I guess it’s out of the question for now. How shall I reconcile these two halves?

The Church of David Stringer

Friday night I went for the third time to see David Stringer perform Kirtan at Maya Yoga Studio in the Crossroads. The first time I saw Stringer perform, several years ago, I didn’t know what to expect. I’d seen a flyer advertising the performance and was intrigued enough to attend. I couldn’t find anyone to go with me who didn’t think it sounded weird, so I went alone.

The dark room was filled with people sitting cross-legged on blankets and pillows. Twinkling Christmas lights dotted the exposed beams of the old warehouse space giving it a magical feeling. The performers, 4 or 5 of them, sat on blankets at the front of the room with various instruments – guitars, a tamboura, hand drums, finger cymbals, shakers and David’s harmonium – arranged around them.

The next hour and a half was spent chanting Sanskrit mantras to beautiful melodies in a form of call and response. David Stringer and his musicians called out the melodies (the mantras were projected overhead) and we, the audience, responded in kind.

I had expected to watch the performance, and was instead pleasantly surprised to find myself a part of the performance. The distinction between the performers and the audience quickly dissolved and instead we all became musicians, offering up the most beautiful music together.

I only vaguely understood the meaning of the mantras we chanted, but the intensity and purity of the energy in the room was palpable and I found myself deeply moved by the experience. Spontaneously I found myself lifting my face and palms upward in deference to the great mystery and wonder of life. My palms tingled with electricity. I felt intoxicatingly joyful and at the same time, profoundly at peace.

Incidentally, I get the creeps when I see people do this “lifting their hands to the Lord” thing at church. (I’ve often imagined the pandemonium that would ensue if I could drop a small mouse in someone’s outstretched palm - but I digress.) Yet here I was doing essentially the same thing – and feeling good about it. I remember thinking this was as close to the feeling of what I thought “church” should feel like for me as anything I had experienced.

So, on Friday, I attended the “Church of David Stringer” again, for the 3rd time in as many years. I’ve gotten to know a few other faithfuls and even know a few “hymns” by heart now. I also made an offering this time, but it turns out I got a CD in return, so it didn’t really count.

If I could go every Sunday, I would.

Warmer Days

I found this photo taken this summer when we cleaned our garage. All this stuff actually fit back inside AND there was room left over to park both cars. Winter is not even officially here and I am already tired of the cold - and longing for the days of garage cleaning weather. I remember when my friend Vicki left Kansas City in search of warmer climates. She landed first in Phoenix and then in Laguna Beach, CA and hasn't had to bundle up since. Lucky girl.

I'm Weird - A Meme...

Ok, I was tagged by Jenne' and even though Dan says this is such a junior high girl thing - I once was a junior high girl and have never forgotten the feeling. (Do you want to be my friend? cirle one: yes no) See what I mean?

Anyway, here are the rules:

List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Then, those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don't forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!

• I am addicted to lip balm. I own close to a hundred different lip balms (my favorite is Burt’s Bees) which I keep strategically placed through out my house and office and tucked into the pockets of all my clothes and purses. I can’t go more than about 10 minutes with out a fresh coat and I wake up during the night to re-apply.

• I become obsessed with certain foods and will eat them over and over again, sometimes several times a day for months. My more notable food obsessions have included tomato soup, cheerios, cream of wheat, cream of rice, blueberries & granola, tater tots, Dairy Queen Dilly Bars, red beans & rice, edamame, banana Laffy Taffy, banana Power Bars, strawberry smoothies, mango smoothies, Granny Smith apples and granola bars. I am currently really into wild rice cakes topped with sunflower butter.

• Overhead lights in parking garages and street lights in parking lots seem to turn on or off frequently when I pass beneath them. It’s almost like I put off some sort of energy field that trips the electronic eye for these sort of light sensitive lamps.

• I don’t watch TV and haven’t had cable since I was 18 years old and still living at home.

• I am afraid of wind. A strong, whistling wind sends my anxiety level sky high.

Ok - I am tagging Rita, PlazaJen, Scotti, Vicki & Katherine.

I Dream of Miko

I dreamed of Miko the other night. I was so surprised to see him and knew instantly that I was dreaming because I knew he had died. I was standing at the side of my bed and I looked down to see that he had walked up between me and the bed to rub against my legs. I reached down with both hands to give him a good squeeze. His fur felt wonderful and he gave me a good purr. That’s all I remember.

I really miss that little guy.

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses an Eye

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, but tonight seems the perfect night to catch up. It’s incredibly cold and rainy and gusty outside, but here I lie, all bundled up with my comforter and my heating pad feeling as toasty as can be. I love this kind of weather because it makes me feel so happy to be inside. The only thing that could make this better were if the fake fireplace in our bedroom actually worked and I could lie here listening to the snap – crackle- pop of a real wood fire.

Well, I guess there might be one other thing that would make this evening better – it might be nice if I could move my torso more than a few inches in any direction with out suffering the incredible aching pain that is the result of crashing my go-kart into another go-kart earlier today.

A small group of us played hooky from work this afternoon and went to a go-kart race track. It was loads of fun and I laughed so hard that I was nearly in tears on the ride out there. Once at the race track we chose our helmets, reviewed the safety rules, and then took to the tracks. We were on the oval track which meant it was all about speed. I gunned it on the straight aways, braked slightly going into the curves and then gunned it again coming out of the curve. It was a little scary, but since I like to drive fast anyway, it was perfect.

I’d taken about 15 laps around the course and was laser focused on speed when a kart in front of me spun out and ended in a dead stop just on the other side of the curve. I didn’t see the kart until it was too late and I crashed right into it.

The impact threw me up and over to my right and I came down HARD against my right ribs on the engine which sat just to the side of the drivers seat (just like in the picture). It hurt like hell – felt like someone had thrown a bowling ball at my side ribs – and it completely knocked the wind out of me. I had that terribly feeling where for several seconds I couldn’t breath at all. The last time I had the wind knocked out of me was when I was a Freshman in high school and my brother socked me in the stomach because I called him stupid. (I think that was the last time I said that!)

I tried to sit up, to pull my self back behind the wheel of the kart, but I literally couldn’t move. There was no breath left in me and my entire right side was throbbing in pain. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, but I wanted to be ok! I was having too much fun to let it end this way.

The guy who worked at the track was perfect. As soon as he established that I was more or less ok, he told me I was tough and to get back out there. That was all I needed. I gave my coworkers who were watching from the side a big thumbs up and then took off again, albeit a bit more cautiously. All went well until a kart in front of me again spun out and I had to hit my brakes to keep from hitting him. Unfortunately, my braking caused another kart to ram me hard from behind – this time wrenching my back. I thought to myself as I finished my final few laps that this was a contact sport not for the faint of heart.

Now, several hours later, my ribs and back are in serious pain. It hurts to stand up and sit down, it hurts to get in and out of the car, it hurts to get in and out of bed, and it hurts to twist in any direction. Luckily, it doesn't hurt to breath, though a deep breath is uncomfortable.



Later….

And with those last words I fell promptly asleep. I woke up later to find my lap top sleeping peacefully on my lap. Kind of funny.

Well, it’s morning now and its safe to say it was a rather long night. Steve & Jenne’ reminded me to ice it rather than use the heating pad (which was what I wanted to do) and so I got up several times during the night and went down to the freezer to retrieve or return the ice pack Steve made for me. I spooked myself going downstairs because all the security lights had come on around the outside of the house and I was sure someone was lurking outside the windows watching me. That is the first time I have ever felt afraid in this house, and because I generally never worry about intruders, think it must have been the result of the pain and the heavy doses of ibuprofen I was taking.

Anyway, I laid on my back with the ice pack against my side and back ribs and hugged the heating pad to my stomach to keep from getting too cold. It was hard to sleep when I wasn’t icing because I just couldn’t find a comfortable position.

This morning I checked the internet again to see if I might have broken ribs, but my symptoms seem to clearly indicate bruised ribs and perhaps strained oblique muscles. Either way, there is nothing to do other than take it easy and wait several weeks for the pain to pass. Good grief!

Well, it seems there should be a moral to this story and I guess I have two take-aways.

(1) Kenny – one of the guys I was racing with - did not drive his kart aggressively the way the rest of us did. He took some “ribbing” about it (nice – huh?) and simply explained that he was having fun but didn’t want to hurt himself. In hindsight, his attitude seems especially wise.

(2) I think this proves my point about needing to focus more on strengthening my core muscles with less focus on my arms, shoulders, etc. After nearly 9 months with my trainer, my upper body is in great shape, but I think I would have sustained less of an injury if my core muscles were stronger. I know this was an extreme blow, I probably would have gotten hurt no matter what, but I don’t think it would have been this bad if I were stronger.

Well – I am going to use this as an excuse to spend some extra time in bed this morning. Sam has been in New York City all week and comes home tonight. Hooray!