Don't Lose Your Child

I opened my e-mail today and found this message from my Dad.

On 2/20/06 11:55 PM, "Dad" wrote:

“Julie, don't forget to tell Katherine the beautiful story of salvation about Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior! I hope that you haven't forgotten! --- I don't want to lose you??? It is so important! I lost a brother, or maybe two because I didn't spread the GOOD NEWS! the gospel, the truth. Don't lose your child!! Love you, Dad”

I can’t stand this sort of “Christian-speak”. It drives me crazy! It feels weird and terrorizing and sounds like an excerpt from a promo for the local evening news.

“Did you know that thousands of teenagers are going to hell right in your own neighborhood? Is your child on the fast track to damnation?

Find out how to save your child through the Good News Story of Salvation before it’s too late. We’ll tell you how, exclusively on Channel 41 News tonight.

Don’t lose your child!”

I’ve developed a profound dislike for fundamentalist Christianity and this sort of message is the epitome of why I dislike it so much. It feels long on rhetoric, fear and arrogance, and short on compassion, understanding and love. Within moments of reading this email from my Dad, my stomach had tied itself in knots and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck are standing up in a perfect row.

How should I respond to a message like this? Mostly I want to forget about it and do nothing, but I won't. I try typing a few lines of my reply. The words come slowly. It doesn't feel right.

I don't agree with his fear based understandng of Christianity, and haven't for a very long time, but don't really want to turn this into a debate about our religious viewpoints. I feel angry, and frustrated and a little defensive in response to his message. Should I be honest with him about that? Or would that only serve to further fuel the flames. I keep typing, then erasing, typing then erasing.

As I think about it, I realize there is actually a good deal of fear expressed in the urgency of his email. “This is SO important – I don’t want to lose you!” This makes sense as I think about the context of his message to me. Fear is inherent in his belief system.

For just a moment, I find myself stepping into his shoes. I catch a glimpse of how this might look through his eyes. I imagine how scary it must be to think that the people I love are headed for the fiery lake! I reread his email, I take myself out of the equation, I don’t take it personally, and this time it feels different to me.

“Please, Please!!” he says. “This is so important! I really love you and I really love my granddaughter and I am afraid I might lose you both!!! That is a terrifying thought to me! My brothers have died without me telling them how to save themselves and I feel terribly guilty and sad about that. I won’t make the same mistake again!

Please listen to me – this is what you have to do to save your self (and to save me from losing you!) Tell my granddaughter the story about salvation. And tell yourself also. This is so important! Please! I love you and am terrified of losing you!”

It is actually very sweet and touching when I take myself out of the equation. My Dad is just being human. He is full of emotion, love and fear, regret and guilt.

So how should I respond? I try a new approach and this time the words flow effortlessly.

Dad -

I just read your note from earlier in the week. It is clear that you love Katherine and me very much. I am grateful for your love and feel the same for you.

I could also tell you felt afraid for us. I want to assure you that we are ok. I know that our beliefs differ, but I feel confident and secure that God loves and treasures each of us.

I also hope you won’t be hard on yourself regarding your brothers. Feeling you have “lost” them must be a terrible feeling, but one belief I think you and I share is that God works in mysterious ways and we understand only the tiniest bit of his/her plan.

Thanks for caring so much Dad - Love you!

Julie


Taking myself out of the equation, not taking things personally - it really is freeing. Maybe my salvation is to be found in the act of remembering that it is not all about me.