Hot on the Trail

I really think if I could choose a new career right this instant, if I could snap my fingers, and poof, become something new – I would be…. (you’re holding your breath right now–right?)…. a private investigator! Yep – Julie Nelson Meers, PI.

I’d be in great shape (so I could chase people and jump over tall fences), I’d carry very simple white business cards and I’d drive a really cool, black sports car with tinted windows. Also, I would be a night owl, which would mean I could actually stay awake past 11pm in the evening. This would be critical to my success as a PI, because everyone knows that nothing worth spying on happens until after eleven o’clock at night.

I think I might be able to make a living at it (though I probably wouldn’t be able to live in Brookside) because I have it on good authority that it costs about $65 an hour to hire a PI. I also understand that I could require a $650 retainer fee up front before I even began. I know this because one of my friends just hired a PI named Ed to spy on her husband. Her husband is an unlucky son-of-a-bitch (among other things), because Ed claims to be a really good PI – one of the best in fact! We’ll see about that I guess.

I wonder if Ed would take on an apprentice? I think I was born with a good deal of natural talent in this area, but I’m sure there is much I could learn from a pro like Ed. For one thing I would need to learn how to use all those cool electronic gadgets. Last night, Ed shot a video of my friend’s husband making nice with the woman he’s “just friends” with. He shot the video inside a dark and smoky bar with strobe lights flashing all around. I’m sure he didn’t stand at the edge of the dance floor pointing his digital camera at the happy couple, so I am curious what he used. A video cigarette perhaps?

Mostly I just like the idea of being a PI. I like the idea of watching and listening and collecting random bits of information. But what I really love is the adrenaline rush of connecting it all together – of figuring it out. I also love the black sports car. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll realistically be able to stay up much past 11:00pm. Even on a good night.